What to do if Your Child is Not Selected for the Team of Their Choice
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Written by: League Administrator
Monday, October 5, 2009
If your child is not selected to be on the team of their choice, you most likely will know how they feel. You may hear bad language, see sulking behavior, and maybe tears. For most children, these painful responses reflect the significance for them of not making the team.
Here are some suggestions for helping your child through this painful time:
- Listen, listen, listen;
o Listen to the pain your child is experiencing
o Listen to the disappointment they are feeling
o Listen for the anger they may feel towards the coach
o Listen to the anger they feel about the way the team was selected
o Listen to what they think is unfair
- Do not offer easy answers;
o Children do not want to hear answers
o They want to vent and have their feelings heard
If a child feels that you have listened, and understand and feel their pain, they will be more open to creating a game plan for moving forward.
Learning a lesson
For some children, being cut can be a positive challenge and for some a major disappointment. Being cut may be viewed as the end of road for this sport. They may recognize that they do not have the skill to play the game at the level they want to. They may choose to try other sports or activities that better fit their skills. Some children, however, may view being cut as a reason to challenge themselves to work harder to get better at their sport:
· They will take the opportunity to play with whatever team they can in order to get better.
· They will develop a sense of determination to show the coach that they really do have the skills to play at the level they tried out for.
· They will seek out individual coaching instruction to accelerate their skill development.
· Where there is more than one team, they may set their goal to do the best they can at this level so they will be selected to move up to the next level when the coach believes they are able to contribute.
Your job as a parent is to be supportive when the disappointment first happens. If your child knows they have your support, you can work together to develop a strategy that meets their needs and goals. Because you know the skill level and temperament of your child, you will be able to make suggestions that your child will find reasonable and constructive.
Talk to the coach
If part of the plan is to try harder, then make an appointment with the coach to find out why your child was not selected and find out what they need to improve on. Do not make this conversation with the coach hostile or you will not find out the information that can be most useful for your child. Cutting a player after tryouts is a disappointment for all involved, including the coach. It can become an emotional disaster if the parent overreacts and creates a crisis. When the parent and child can express their pain and create a positive response, then the child has taken one step forward in learning how to deal with life's disappointments.
Everybody gets to play
The South County Youth Soccer Club does everything possible to assure that every child who wants to play gets a chance to be on a team. It may not be the team of their first choice, but they will continue to improve if they continue to play. As a club, we strive to help your child develop a love for the game of soccer and more importantly, a love for healthy living through team sports and fitness training.
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